The Secret of Cat Cafe
by ChestnutFists
Summary: The Cate Cafe becomes the hot spot diner in Nerima while a series of strange events plague out hero/heroine!


**PROLOGUE**

In a dark, lonely alleyway in the city of Nerima, a lonesome cat lurks ravenously for food. The cunning beast is master trickster; using its natural beauty to get whatever she desires. She knows the streets like she knows the hairs of fur on her paws - and it wasn't long until she found what she was looking for…

**CHAPTER 1**

School let out and that hot summer day. Ranma and Akane both had phys-ed exams that day and were tired from the relentless work outs and warm ups. They departed from school together equally as unmotivated. With his head slumped over, Ranma whined, "I don't think I can make it this heat".

"Yeah, I'm so hungry! I can't wait until we get home to eat."

"Me too, but I'm sick of okonomyaki all the time."

"Why don't we go to The Cat Café?"

"Ramen sounds so good right now! And if we hurry now, we can beat the small lunch crowd."

"Okay."

But when they came to The Cat Café, they would never believe their eyes that there would be a waiting line for a table.

"A waiting line?" inquired Akane.

"How? How is it so busy! Why god, why do you mock us?"

"You're being overdramatic, sissy."

The old ghoul, or Cologne as she was more formally known, went up to them bearing good and bad news.

"Good to see you, son-in-law. Quite a turn out today, isn't it"

"What gives? Why all the sudden business?"

"Oh, you mean all this? Just some management changes and strategic marketing is all."

"How long will it take us to get a table inside?" asked Akane.

"Now that you mention it, I believe Shampoo reserved a table for Ranma already. She somehow knew you would come today."

"Super! Let's go, Ranma."

"I forgot to mention that it is a table for one. Sorry."

"What? A table for one? You got to be kidding?"

"Hey, don't worry Akane. I'll go in and order two take out orders, and leave as soon as they're done."

Ranma entered the café only to smell the most delightful scent he had every smelled in his life. He was seated at a five-person booth. As soon as he sat down, Shampoo was there to cater to his stomach.

"Nihao Ranma! Good to see you on such busy day. Shampoo RSVP table for you by Cat Café's air conditioner."

"Uhhh. Thanks, I guess. All I want is two orders of ramen to go please."

"Shampoo already have entrée prepared just for you, Ranma."

"That's nice of you, but Akane is waiting for me outside. So if I could just get two orders of ramen to go…"

"Listen here, Ranma! Shampoo spend all day making full course meal for you."

"Full course meal? I mean… Why would you do that?"

"Because Shampoo know once you try our new Chinese Amazon secret recipes, you'll never eat that doo-doo okonomyaki again."

"New secret recipes, you say? Hmm. I guess if you already have the entrée ready, I can sample it while our orders of ramen are being made."

"Shampoo knew you wouldn't say no! Mouse! Bring out dish one!"

The four-eyed buzzard came out from the kitchen dragging the hefty entrée dish. The weight of the platter seemed to be too much for him to carry in human form. Customers, upon seeing this pathetic spectacle, turned their head to whisper to one another:

"Hey, isn't that cruelty to animals?"

"Who cares? That duck looks too juicy for me to care about its rights."

"Mouse, why you no handle tray? Is lightest of all seven course."

"Quack", Moo-Moo the Duck anguished.

Unable to lift the entrée onto the table, Shampoo lifted it up and placed it before Ranma who had never seen anything like it.

"This is Chinese Amazon home cookin'? What is this stuff?"

"Name is no important; only taste."

"Well, if you insists.."

Meanwhile, Akane stood waiting in the blistering sun for Ranma. "I wonder what's taking him?", Akane thought to herself. "Maybe he's off with that girl… No, they're always shorthanded here and on a day like this, it might be a long wait…" While she tried to rationalized with herself, her curiosity grew to the point where she had to see what was taking him so long. She walked around to the side window only to see her 'faithful' fiancée engorging himself with forbidden pleasures. In fact, Ranma had nearly devoured his towering plate of food.

"THIS IS THE BEST FOOD I'VE EVER HAD! IS THIS FOR REAL! BRING OUT ALL THE OTHER COURSES!"

"RANMA!", yelled Akane through the window.

"Oh crap… Sorry Akane, I forgot you were…"

"It's okay. I rather eat instant ramen at home."

"Akane, wait!"

"You want other courses of meal, or you want to go after bitchy girlfriend?"

"That's a tough decision…", pondered Ranma.

**CHAPTER 2**

Ranma returned home later that evening packing an extra ten pounds. He slid open the door and nonchalantly entered the house like regularly.

"Man, I haven't been this stuffed since those stupid girls had that cook off."

"Ranma, get your dinner before it's all gone and I'm not joking this time.", Genma shouted from the dining area.

Ranma, completely uninterested in what was for dinner, walked passed them to watch television.

"No thanks. I'm sure it's great as always, Kasumi; I'm just not hungry cause of all the heat,"

"Oh, well I didn't have time to cook today because shopping took too long. I just picked up some take out from The Cat Café."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO? ALLOW ME TO HELP MYSELF!"

Ranma grabbed a chopstick, but before he could touch anything, Happosai's swift and lethal tobacco pipe landed right on his right hand.

"Not so fast. I saw you earlier today, Ranma, isn't there something you oughta say to Akane?"

"How about, 'don't jump to conclusions'?'

"Well, excuse me for taking your word.", Akane said sarcastically.

"Wrong answer. Now you're going to apologize to her, or else you get nothing.", barked Happosai.

"Why do you care about her feelings all of a sudden? You just want to eat all the food yourself, don't you?."

"What? How can you sell your own master that short. Have a heart, Ranma."

"The master is right, son. You did just comeback from The Cat Café after all.", added Soun.

While Soun was speaking, Happosai nabbed some of his food from his plate.

"Now master, that isn't fair."

"All is fair in love and war, hee-hee!"

"YOU LOUSY HYPOCRITE!", exclaimed Ranma.

Ranma began chasing Happosai around the room. Happosai ran out to the backyard, and began taunting Ranma by the coy pond.

"You're getting fat like your father! You can't even keep up with me!"

"I'll get you…"

Right as he neared the pond, his stomach began to cramp from all the running.

"You fell for it! AHAHAHA!"

Dink went the tobacco pipe as it knocked Ranma in the back of his head and into the coy pond. As soon as he hit the water, his stomach shrank thus worsening his cramp. He emerged from the waterline in bitter distress.

"_Ohhhh! I feel like I'm going to die!"_

Since Ranma was still wearing his porous gym shirt, his breasts where partially exposed through the shirt. Happosai, being a quick thinker on his feet, produced a Polaroid Camera and snapped as many photos as he could.

"Wet T-shirt photos! Don't see these everyday!"

"I'LL GET YA YOU OLD FREAK! OWWWW! MY TUMMY!"

"What a baby", Akane muttered from the sliding door.

**CHAPTER 3**

The next morning was a Sunday, which meant no school. As usual, Ranma spent his Sunday afternoon in the Tendo Training Hall training with Genma, who he had nearly came to surpass in skill.

Genma was unwilling to admit his son's fighting superiority, and from that shortcoming came several upon several useless challenges Genma would come up with to prove some sort of victory over Ranma.

"Well, I bet you can't kick an apple off your head with your left foot, and catch it behind your back with your right hand!"

"Oh yeah, old man? Bet you I can."

Genma placed an apple on Ranma's head.

"Ready?"

"Sure."

Instead of attempting his father's bet, he knocked the apple off his head and kicked it really hard into Genma's mouth, shattering his front teeth.

"I'm going to see if Kasumi has lunch ready… This is boring…"

"Hey boy, I have a better idea. Are you think what I'm thinking?

"I think so."

And without further verbal contact, Saotome and son raced each other down to The Cat Café. Assuming that the establishment had cooled off since the last night, they expected to get a quick meal to replenish their famine. However, the hungry martial artists judged wrong as their business had only doubled.

"Oh man! I thought yesterday was just a fluke!"

"Well hurry up and be a man and sweet talk your fiancée Shampoo into getting us a seat!"

"She ain't my fiancée!"

"Nihao Ranma! You come back for Shampoo's Chinese Amazon cuisine?"

"You know it! Did you reserve me a seat today?"

"That depend on if Ranma goes on date with Shampoo."

"You heard her, boy. He's available on Tuesday after school." added Genma.

"I ain't going on a date!"

"Then you no get food!"

Shampoo walked away with a cat-like frisk. Genma, who had his heart set on indulgence, look as if he was about to be reduced to tears.

"Great going! Now we'll never eat at the Cat Café again! Oh the humanity!"

Ranma whapped Genma in the head…

"That's not your line. Come on, I can reason with her."

Thinking he had everything sown up, Ranma cut through the eagerly famished line of guests to follow the Chinese temptress. His plan was not notably cunning; to him all he had to do is say he'd go on a date with, eat, and then blow her off. But this made him feel dishonest, so he went about a new way.

He slipped through the elbow-to-elbow foot traffic that was pouring in like no tomorrow. Shampoo was already at work busting a table stacked with a ten-foot high pile of bowls. "I wonder what kind of monster could eat all that", thought Ranma. As soon as she could remove the last fives bowls, the toddler-sized terror Happosai was reveal to be the culprit.

"Hey Ranma! This Ancient Chinese Amazon crap is good stuff!"

"Don't you have anything better to do than to stuff your gut? Like a certain repeated misdemeanor maybe?"

"Don't be a hypocrite. I suppose you just came down here to court a new lover. Things have finally grown stale with you and Akane."

"Maybe I'm down here for revenge from last night?"

"Try me, punk."

Before a futile fight broke out that would inevitably end in Ranma's defeat, Shampoo quickly stepped in between them.

"No fighting in restaurant! What you want, Ranma?"

"I want some food. I have money to pay for it! It's not like I'm asking for handouts or anything."

"Your money no good here. Only date with Shampoo!"

"Forget it, I'm not dating you!"

"So you say you no want delicious Ancient Amazon cooking?"

Genma busted through the door.

"No! That's NOT his final answer!"

Without hesitation, he grabbed Ranma by his shoulders and pulled him aside.

"You don't know what you're about to forfeit, boy. Remember, a date with Shampoo isn't a defeat, it's a victory. Plus, you could just blow her off afterwards!"

"Shampoo no stupid. Me hear everything you say!"

"I'll tell you what Shampoo: seeing that your so short on hands around this place, I'll help out in the kitchen and with serving for tab credit. How does that sound?"

"Shampoo rather have date instead."

"That's a fine proposition, son-in-law", bellowed Cologne arriving on the scene; "you could start today if you'd like."

"But great-grandmother!"

"My decision is final. Think about the bonding time you'd finally get to have with Ranma."

"All right!", exclaimed Ranma and Genma in unison.

While those two were busy at The Café, Akane was in the training hall venting her anger with cement blocks. She was still ticked off that Ranma had forgotten about her, and even more so that he was more interested in Shampoo's 'new' change in business direction. As she split her last block, Ukyo wandered though the door.

"Akane, may I come in? Or is this a bad time?"

"Ukyo! What's going on?"

"Have you noticed anything strange lately?"

"Do you mean Shampoo's sudden jump in sales?"

"Yeah. It has been killing my business. I've lost all my usual customers to her; even Ranma honey! In fact, he's working as a waitress down there as we speak."

"HE'S WHAT? THAT IDIOT!"

Akane and Ukyo went down to The Cat Café to confirm the rumors. When they arrived, they saw Ranma scantily-clad in a red Chinese silk dress doing cheap parlor tricks for the men seated at the bar counter. They whistled, hollered, and threw yen on the bar counter. Ranma put the tips in his bra to further magnify his stage aura, and the tips continued to fly.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

"Butt out Akane!"

"NO I WANT YOUR EXPLAINATION WHY MY SO CALLED FIANCEE IS DOING BORDERLINE PORNOGRAPHIC SHOWS FOR SPARE YEN!"

And at the moment, Akane could not believe she had just said that. Both her and Ranma turned red as his pigtail.

"This show just keeps getting better and better!", remarked a customer.

Embarrassed as hell, Akane fled the scene as if she had just committed a capital offense. Ranma was ashamed that she saw his antics and wanted to go after her, but he knew that the boss wouldn't allow it. He continued working until closing time, which he then had to clean up and do dishes with Mouse. They were in the kitchen doing what they'd been ordered to: Mouse swept the floor, Ranma did the dishes.

On her way upstairs to her mother-in-law apartment above, Cologne stopped in to the kitchen.

"Make sure you to lock up after you're done. And make sure you throw all our leftovers away in the big trash can outside, not the small one. Remember, the big one not the small one!""

"_I heard you the first time old ghoul1_", said Ranma who was infuriated with the amount of dishes he had to do. Cologne hobbled away with her oversized walking stick, leaving them alone.

"_Hey Mouse, I'll play you rock, paper, scissors for who doesn't have to take out the trash."_

"Oh no you don't. I don't trust you. And besides, I have sonority! YOU take out the trash!"

"_Eww no! It stinks!"_

"Look at yourself, in a dress doing dishes and you wont even take out the trash! Do you think you can justly call yourself a man!"

Ranma splashed Mouse with cold water.

"_Do you?"_

The disgruntled duck began flying around his head, pecking at his scalp.

"_Ow! Stop that! That hurts!"_

Ranma tried to run, but he had forgotten he was wearing a long dress and tripped over it. He stumbled right into a false wall that had been hidden. They stopped fighting and looked upon their new environment which was frigid and icy.

"What is this place? Some kind of freezer? Why hide it?"

The freezer was filled with fillets of meat unfamiliar to Ranma. It contained nothing other than fresh cut chunks of meats - no vegetables, no curry: nothing.

"What is going on here, Mouse!'

"Quack?"

He decided to back out of the eerie place and forget what he had seen. He didn't need to know what he had discovered. He rushed out, put the false wall back in place.

"_There. No one should notice."_

Ranma turned around to seeing the prune-like face of Cologne with her brows cocked like an inquisitor. The sudden change of scenery startled Ranma; nearly giving him a heart attach.

"_AH!"_

"Son-in-law, what are you doing? I heard a bunch of noise from downstairs. Is everything alright?"

"_Y-ye-yea… Of course."_

"Well then, hop to it and take out the trash. That is, or course, unless you want to stay over for the night. I'm sure Shampoo would enjoy your company."

"_Thanks, but no thanks.",_ Ranma said sarcastically.

And onward we went out to the alley with a heaping bag of trash that had been sitting it a hot kitchen all day. 'Disgusting', thought Ranma has he dragged the bag to the big can as Cologne had specified. Before he opened the lid, he heard a noise of a trashcan lid hitting the ground behind him.

"_Anyone there? Mouse? Shampoo? Old Ghoul?"_

Receiving no rely, he opened the lid to the trashcan only to face a high-sprung rabid cat. It leapt onto him and began clawing away at his neck.

"GET IT OFF OF ME! GET IT OFF OF ME!

And to his request, an unknown force hit the cat off but left him unconscious afterwards.

**CHAPTER 4**

Ranma awoke back home in his bed. As he opened his weary eyes, he had hoped to see Akane there sitting by his side; but instead, it was the benevolent Kasumi who had been caring for him. After he fully gained consciousness, he looked around him and saw Shampoo, Cologne, Genma, Soun, and Nabiki.

"What happened to me? My head is killing me"

"You had an accident at work, son-in-law. You were startled by a cat, and you must've fell backwards and hit your head on the ground."

"All I remember taking the trash out after Mouse and I found that secret wall."

"Secret wall?", asked Soun.

"What on earth are you talking about?", chimed the old ghoul.

"Oh Ranma, you must really hit head bad this time.", suggested Shampoo.

"But that was after Mouse and I saw that place! There's an entrance in the kitchen."

"You must've dreamt it. We have no idea what you're talking about.", said Cologne.

"You can ask Mouse. He saw it too!"

"You go ask duck boy yourself when you at work , Ranma!"

Akane sat on the top of the stairs listening in on the conversation, she intended to go check on Ranma's condition, but the sound of Shampoo's voice stopped her in her steps. She could tell by the confident tone in his voice that what he had seen was no dream while seeing past Shampoo and Cologne's obvious attempts to cover it up.

"I'll just go down there right now!"

Ranma stood up in fury, peeling off his blanket and revealing a shocking spectacle. He saw cat-like hairs growing out of body which reminded him of the cats that ambushed him the night before. The sudden shocked claimed his entire composure, and he was reduced back to the floor in fear.

"Wh-what's going on? What is this? Tell me what's going on?"

"We… don't know, son.", Soun whimpered unsurely.

"Just don't think about it. Dr. Tofu took a blood sample earlier. Just lay back down and don't worry about coming to work today, son-in-law."

"Not to be a cynic, but Ranma probably needs a witch doctor instead of a medical one.", remarked Nabiki,

"But what's gonna' happen to me…. Me… Meow!"

"Just ignore it boy. Get some rest before you go catatonic. Get it? CATatonic! AHAHAHA!", joked Genma.

"DON'T SAY C-C-CAT! MEOW!"

But before he could take his infamous cat-fu stance, Cologne snaked a syringe into Ranma's arm which knock him out instantly.

"Oh dear, what did you do to him?", asked Kasumi.

"I gave him 50 CC's of liquefied catnip. He will be fine."

'Liquefied catnip? Is there really such a thing?", asked Soun.

"Jusenkyo makes everything nowadays. Now if you will excuse me, I'll be going over to Dr. Tofu's clinic and see if he's made any progress."

Cologne and Shampoo took their leave. Akane upstairs pondering why Cologne had taken such an interest in the cause of Ranma's condition. "If they're stopping by Tofu's, then I should go down to the Cat Café before they get there.', thought Akane.

The Amazons departed from the Tendo Dojo guilty of suspicion even to the untrained eye.

"You think Ranma know the secret of Cat Café?"

"Don't worry, Shampoo."

Akane arrived at the Cat Café before the café had opened. She peaked through the front window to see if anyone was inside. Seeing nobody; she attempted the door but found that it was locked. As she began to walk away, she heard a thud from the alley behind. She ran to the scene finding Mouse, who was covered in plaster, hauling a wheelbarrow full of sheet rocking supplies. He had his glasses off to avoid scratching the lenses as they were tucked away in his shirt pocket.

"I patched up the entry way, Shampoo. Now that meddling Ranma will look like a fool if he somehow remembers."

Mouse set down the wheelbarrow to put on his glasses.

"Now Shampoo, I've been thinking… Wait a minute. You're Akane Tendo."

"Hey Mouse, what's this entry way you're speaking of?

"Nothing! Don't you see I'm hard at work! Now scram!"

"Do you know anything about what happened to Ranma?"

"I can't talk to you."

Mouse scurried inside and locked the back door behind him.

"Honestly.", Akane said exasperated.

Meanwhile, The Amazons made their way to Dr. Tofu's clinic. The good doctor was hard at work trying to diagnose a cause of poor Ranma's suffering. He had more than a few scientific instruments and various pieces of lab equipment out on his desk; as the man himself towered over his computer inputting data from his test results. Tofu was a stern doctor and a physician of the first order whose curiosity had been peaked by the strange symptoms of Ranma's ailment.

"Hello Cologne and Shampoo. What can I do for you two?"

"We were wondering if you have made any progress for Ranma."

"I'm running some standard blood tests. It will take some more time to get all the results; but, the microscopic evidence seems to suggest that a virus may be altering Ranma's cell structure. Of course, this is only a theory and I won't be able to prove my suspicion until the screenings are finished."

"That sound serious."

"It may be… Whatever we're dealing with is completely unknown to my medical expertise. Then again though, it wouldn't be the first time I've seen strange cases since I moved to this town. All we can do is wait. By the way, I take it you've visited him recently. How is his condition?"

"He was resting the last time we seen him."

"That's good, he needs to be in bed until I find a cure."

"That's why I excused him from work today."

"Work? Ranma's been working at Cat Café?"

"You don't now cause you no eat there!"

"I don't mean to offend you guys, but since your place got so busy I've been giving my business to Ukyo. Don't take it personal. I've heard nothing but good, but I just don't like eating around a large crowd."

"Well, we can always make you reservations on one of our slower nights, doctor."

"Thanks for the offer, but I should be focusing on Ranma right now."

Akane rushed home only to find her house in complete pandemonium. Soun and Genma were running from the feline frenzy known as Ranma Saotome. Everything has been tore to shreds by the savage beast, and now he was after the masters of the house. As soon as he made eye contact with Akane standing at the front gate, he leaped onto her much to her own fright. But instead of attacking, he gently pushed her to the ground to seek asylum in the warmth of her lap.

"Oh Akane, thank you! Thank you!" plead Soun.

"I don't know what we would of done if you hadn't come along." said Genma.

"What is going on here! Why is this idiot fur ball in my lap all of a sudden?" asked Akane.

"We don't know. There weren't any cats around. He just lost it."

Akane was slightly disturbed at the rather furry feeling she felt on him, so she lifted up his shirt collar to discover more cat fur had grown.

"Dad! Mr. Saotome! Come look at this! He's becoming a cat!"

**At around 1 PM sharp, Dr. Tofu's test results were being entered into the computer. After the analysis of the RNA sequences of the pathogens were complete, he searched a database of all well-known viruses and bacteria. Nothing matched. He did, however, manage to bolster evidence proving his suspicions about the nature of the bodily invaders. Ranma's cellular was rapidly altering to resemble that of a feline. Tofu obviously could not find any record of this condition in any medical textbook, but alas, he knew of one tome that may have the answer. And there were only two people in Nerima who may have possessed it.**

**And they were both at the Cat Café.**

**To be continued….**


End file.
